Hitting pause
Pausing before you speak
Life can be chaotic sometimes. Deadlines, tough days, and delays can push anyone to their limits. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to let words fly. But here’s the thing: what we say in frustration can often do more harm than good. So many times we find ourselves whishing we could hit the rewind. There isnt such a thing, but we all have a pause button.
Pausing before speaking is a simple but powerful habit. Like any skill worth having, it takes time and dedication to develop. But it can transform how we communicate, at home and at work.
It’s about taking a breath, not giving in to poor instincts, gathering your thoughts, and choosing your words carefully. This small act can help you avoid conflicts, and even strengthen your relationships.
Why do need to Pause
When emotions run high, our brains tend to operate in fight-or-flight mode. This can sometimes lead to impulsive reactions to external stimuli. Many careers have been ruined and relationships permanently changed because of a crass joke, a knee jerk reaction or am aggressive tone. It is hard to put the genie back in the bottle and easier to leave it alone to start with.
By taking a pause, you give your self a time to think. That means a few seconds to organise your thoughts, to make sure that your reply is actually helpful to where you want to be (ie; still employed), and it is actually what you mean.
A quick pause can help reduce the initial emotional reaction that can be brought on by shock, stress or miss understanding what was said. When we find our selves in stressful circumstances, we can sometimes hear what we want to hear, instead of what is being said. Taking a moment to process is like taking a moment to concentrate before a golf swing.
Pausing gives you the chance to shift from reacting to responding. It allows your rational mind to take over, so you can communicate in a way that reflects your true intentions.
Remember listening is not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Practical Tips for Hitting Pause
Learn to recognise it before it happens. By the time you feel your emotions rising, and you can feel yourself going into flight or fight mode, its a lot harder to stop.
Take a Breath before you start to feel tense. When you feel tension rising, pause and focus on where you want this situation to be in the future, not what your impulses are doing right now.
Find your decoy: For some its counting to three, others repeat phrase or song. What ever comes naturally to you. The point is to come up with a decoy you can deploy that helps snap you out of a flight or fight spiral. This helps you grab the bull by the horns and steer him away from the red flag.
Ask Yourself a Question: Before speaking, ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?”. This will help you steer the conversation to a helpful place. Try to imagine what you want in 5 minutes, 5 months and 5 years. See if you can match a response that aligns to that.
Practice and review: This isn’t a skill you pick up in an afternoon, its going to take a while to put it into practice. Like any new skill, there will be lulls, plateaus and sometimes you will even go backwards. Staying accountable is a great way to help a new behaviour stick.
Focus on the person, not the words: We sometimes say the wrong thing, we misunderstand and even say things we regret. So it’s important to give others the same leniency we would want for our selves. A great way to understand someone is to pay attention to what they want.
The Benefits of Pausing
Pausing before speaking isn’t just about avoiding conflict—it’s about creating better connections. When you communicate thoughtfully, people feel heard and respected. You will find this builds trust which creates stronger relationships, whether it’s with the people you work with, your partner, or your kids.
So next time you’re about to speak, remember it’s not about holding back, it’s about choosing your words wisely.
Because sometimes, the best way forward starts with a moment of silence.
